BDSM dating terminology has become a mind field of letters and acronyms. I thought re entering the dating scene I was good to go. I needed help, so I’m helping you!
Putting together a dating app bio or a profile on fetish site is a real challenge. First, it needs to authentically represent your identity, and second, it needs to avoid being an annoying laundry list of must-haves.
When you’re speaking to someone on a dating app, the most valuable commodity is good chat. Personality is crucial and some level of physical attraction is too, but at the end of the day, finding someone with whom you can have zingy banter with is of the utmost importance.
After all, if you can’t carry a fun conversation with the person, what’s the point of dating them at all, let alone wanting to scene or play with them?
On the flip side, being stuck in a chat that isn’t flowing, or that you don’t understand or feel connected to, is the pits. It’s boring, it’s flat, it’s not worth it. It’s also a huge time-waster because you’ll spend time sending screenshots to your friends or searching up words online.
All this to say that you need to be down with the lingo – your romantic and sexual and BDSM Femdom success may depend on it.
To bring you up to speed, we’ve collated the ultimate list of dating acronyms you should have in your arsenal next time you hit the apps. So whether you’re looking for an FWB or GFE, you have the words, and the wisdom, to help you on your way.
Once you finally get your bio in good shape, you’re left to swipe through a sea full of faces attached to bios packed with acronyms and lifestyle descriptions. And then, there’s a bunch of ever-evolving terms to describe how dating itself actually goes.
Understanding BDSM: Key Terms and Concepts
In the realm of BDSM, which stands for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism, it is vital to comprehend the foundational concepts that shape the dynamics of relationships within this community. These terms reflect personal preferences and interactions that can vary significantly from one individual to another. By familiarizing oneself with this terminology, individuals can better express their desires and boundaries when creating their dating profiles.
At the core of BDSM are two primary roles: Dominant and Submissive. The Dominant partner takes the lead, exerting control and guidance during various activities, while the Submissive partner willingly cedes some degree of authority, often finding empowerment and fulfillment in this dynamic. Additionally, there are individuals who identify as Switches, who enjoy embodying either role depending on the situation and their partner’s preferences. Understanding these roles is crucial for effective communication and establishing healthy connections.
Beyond the basic roles, BDSM encompasses a myriad of interests and activities that individuals can explore. Bondage may include various methods of restraint, often designed to enhance trust and vulnerability between partners. Discipline frequently incorporates rules and consequences, aiming to reinforce behavior through consensual structures. Moreover, Sadism and Masochism express the pleasure derived from giving or receiving pain, emphasizing the importance of consent and mutual enjoyment within these experiences. Each of these concepts plays an integral role in shaping personal dynamics, making it paramount for individuals to articulate their interests accurately.
In navigating the terminology surrounding BDSM, individuals will find they can represent their identities more authentically in their dating profiles. Clear communication regarding preferences not only aids in finding compatible partners but also fosters a safer environment where desires can be explored within agreed-upon limits.
Decoding Common Acronyms: FWB, DTF, and ENM
In the realm of BDSM and kink dating, the use of acronyms is prevalent, facilitating quick communication around complex concepts. Some of the most common acronyms include FWB, DTF, and ENM, each carrying significant implications for relationship dynamics within this unique community.
Friends with Benefits (FWB) refers to a casual relationship where participants engage in sexual activity without the commitments of a romantic partnership. This arrangement is especially popular in BDSM contexts, as it allows individuals to explore physical intimacy while maintaining independence and freedom. The FWB label indicates that the relationship is primarily based on mutual enjoyment and pleasure, often without any expectations of emotional involvement. In the BDSM community, this may include shared interests in kinks and fetishes, with partners discussing their boundaries and desires openly to ensure a fulfilling experience.
Down to F*ck (DTF) is another term that has gained traction, indicating a willingness to engage in sexual activity, often with little to no prior connection or relationship. While this term can sometimes connote a more casual and less emotionally involved encounter, it is not uncommon to find individuals in the BDSM lifestyle who interpret DTF as an opportunity to explore new partners with similar interests in a more liberated and consensual manner. Clarity in intentions and desires is essential for individuals using DTF in the context of BDSM dating, as communication ensures that all parties are aligned in their expectations.
Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) involves forming consensual relationships that may include multiple partners. This acronym emphasizes a commitment to honesty and transparency about one’s relationship status and agreements. In a BDSM setting, ENM might encompass a range of dynamics, from polyamory to swinging, allowing individuals to explore their kinks with various partners. Understanding ENM is crucial for those seeking relationships within the BDSM community, as it fosters an environment where sexual exploration can occur without taboo, highlighting the importance of consent and communication.
Additional BDSM Dating Terminology You Should Know
When navigating the world of BDSM, it is crucial to familiarize oneself with specific terminology that underpins the culture. This knowledge not only aids in creating a more comprehensive profile but also facilitates better communication with potential partners. Here, we explore several significant terms that anyone involved in BDSM should understand.
Firstly, Aftercare refers to the period following a BDSM scene, where partners provide emotional and physical support to each other. This practice allows individuals to process their experiences, ensuring that they feel safe and cared for after intense exchanges. Aftercare can vary widely and may include cuddling, discussing feelings, or simply providing a quiet space.
Another essential term is Safe Word. This is a pre-agreed code word or phrase that anyone involved in BDSM can use to indicate they need to slow down or stop an activity. Establishing a safe word is vital, as it helps maintain trust and ensures that all parties can communicate their limits effectively.
Kink broadly describes a range of sexual interests that may not be considered conventional. Kinks can vary widely, from mild to extreme, and understanding one’s kinks is integral for effective self-expression in a BDSM dating profile. It helps potential partners gauge compatibility and shared interests.
Polyamory is another significant term, signifying the practice of engaging in multiple consensual and loving relationships simultaneously. In the context of BDSM, understanding polyamory is essential for those looking to explore multiple connections while ensuring that all parties are aware and consenting to the dynamics involved.
Lastly, Consent is the cornerstone of any BDSM interaction. This term emphasizes the importance of mutual agreement and understanding between partners regarding activities and boundaries. Ensuring informed and enthusiastic consent helps uphold healthy dynamics in relationships, fostering respect and trust among all individuals involved.
By understanding and incorporating these terms into your profile, you empower yourself to engage in more meaningful conversations, ultimately improving your chances of forming compatible connections in the BDSM community. so lets throw a few more at you!
To bring you up to speed, we’ve collated the ultimate list of dating acronyms you should have in your arsenal next time you hit the apps. So whether you’re looking for an FWB or GFE, you have the words, and the wisdom, to help you on your way.
Asexual
Asexuality is a sexual identity in which people do not experience sexual attraction or desires in a traditional sense. There’s diversity in the way they desire or experience relationships, emotional attraction and arousal while others are also aromantic, or don’t experience romantic feelings, as well. “Ace” and “aspec” are all-encompassing terms for those on the asexual spectrum.
ASL
Meaning: Age Sex Location This one is vintage, from back in the days of MSN, Omegle and ChatRoulette sites where you could talk to strangers and quickly wanted their details. Think of this like the stats section on a dating app – age, gender, and where you are. But its made a come back! Bad things never die LOL
In a sentence: “Nice to meet you – asl?”
BAE
Meaning: Before Anyone Else. You’ve probably heard someone refer to someone they’re dating or talking to as their bae (hopefully as a joke). Rather than a shortened version of ‘babe’ as many assume, bae actually means ‘before anyone else’. Think, my one and only, or my number one.
While bae only hit mainstream culture in the past five-ish years, it has been a part of Black vernacular for much longer, used as a term of endearment.
In a sentence: “My bae is a lawyer but will only let me call him my partner around friends” or “I’m going to make her my bae.”
BBW
BBW has a few meanings. It can imply Big beautiful woman or black beautiful woman.
Beige flags
A beige flag is a characteristic or behavior that is noticeable but shouldn’t be cause for concern as it’s typically regarded as boring or generic. In terms of dating app bios specifically, this could include listing a love for tacos or fluency in sarcasm as something interesting about you. YOu know beige is boring but its also staples of life. They pay to think about.
Benching
Benching is typically the action that lands people in situationships. You like them enough to keep in contact inconsistently and maybe date casually, but you’re benching them because you won’t commit. They’re on the bench because they are not in the starting line-up.
Bisexual
Bisexual is a sexual identity that refers to individuals that have the potential to have romantic and sexual feelings for members of their gender as well as other genders.
Bi-curious
Bi-curiosity refers to people that are exploring their attraction to members of their gender as well as other genders. Bi curious can also mean open to exploring further with consent.
Bot
Dating app bots are chatbots coded to have humanlike exchanges with users they match with. Unlike fake accounts with a human behind them, a bot’s account is actually run by a computer program.
Bottom
A label largely used in the LGBTQ+ community, bottom is typically the partner being penetrated. Bottom can also be a BDSM term for someone that play the bottom role or be submissive for awhile!
Breadcrumbing
Breadcrumbing is when someone is engaging with you enough to seem interested, kind of. They’ll do things like ambiguously be a little flirty over text and maybe always like your IG stories, but they’re ultimately stringing you along for no reason at all.
Cis or cisgender
Cis or cisgender defines someone who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth.
Cuffing season
Cuffing season refers to the colder months of the year when single people are looking to temporarily settle down for short term partnerships. These are annoying if your looking for someone permanent and they lead you on
Curve
Curve is a verb and it means to reject someone. It typically is done in an indirect or more passive way.
Dates
Interestingly, while there are plenty of people looking for “nothing serious,” only men taller than 6′ or a third for their polycule, some people are looking for good old fashioned dates. Dinner and movie, picnic in the park, run-of-the-mill time spent getting to know potential romantic interests.
Demisexual
Demisexual is a sexual identity where individuals are only sexually attracted to people they’ve formed a strong emotional connection with.
Dry dating
Also known as sober dating, drying dating is dating without alcohol. Bumble reported that 34 percent of their users are less likely to drink on a date than they were prior to the pandemic.
DTR
Short for “define the relationship,” a DTR is a check-in or chat about the status of the relationship. Someone may ask “what are we” during this conversation, but it’s really a great opportunity to see if expectations are aligned.
In a sentence: “Hey can we talk? Think we should DTR.”
ENM or ethically non-monogamous
ENM is the acronym for ethically non-monogamous or consensual non-monogamy (CNM), and it’s approach to relationships that allows individuals to participate in multiple romantic or sexual connections where all parties are aware and consenting.
In a sentence: “How would you feel about making our relationship ENM?” OR “I’m only interested in ENM, being monogamous isn’t natural for humans.”
Fraysexual
A sexual orientation on the asexual spectrum, they are sexually attracted to people they don’t know that well and lose that interest as they get to know someone more deeply. They’re more turned on by the idea of you than actually knowing you.
GFE
Meaning: Girlfriend Experience. A Girlfriend Experience is a type of offering by sex workers or escorts that involves them acting like a partner or lover, rather than merely engaging in sex. That could involve kissing, cuddling, talking, or other kinds of companionship.
People who don’t enjoy the impersonal nature of casual sex may engage in GFE agreements to find that level of intimacy or break down the formality of sex work. It’s usually relatively ‘vanilla’ sex, as the attraction is in the connection rather than the kinkiness.
In a sentence: ‘I’m thinking of seeing a sex worker and asking for the GFE instead of regular sex”
FWB
FWB stands for friend with benefits and refers to friends that have sex. Their connection is typically more friendship-like rather than that of a romantic, committed relationship. This can be the outcome of a DTR.
Genderfluid
Individuals whose gender identity can fluctuate between genders or a lack thereof at different times independently of their assigned sex at birth are genderfluid.
GGG
Coined by the sex advice columnist Dan Savage, GGG is short for good, giving, and game and defines the qualities of an excellent sexual partner — good in bed, giving “equal time and pleasure,” and game for exploring and being open-minded.
Ghosting
An age old dating nightmare, ghosting is when someone abruptly cuts off all communication with someone they’re romantically or intimately connected to without any explanation or warning – radio silence. Unfortunetly this occurs WAY to much in the Femdom world.
Green flags
A green flag refers to positive and attractive characteristics or behaviors a potential partner has. Some examples of green flags are being a good communicator, being respectful of others and having other healthy consistent non-romantic relationships.
Green dating
Green dating is the trend of people dating others who prioritize shared values around eco-consciousness with each other.
Ick
The ick is the knee jerk reaction of being immediately turned off by an action or behavior of someone you are (or were) interested in or dating. Common examples include the way someone eats or even the way people use the voice note feature on dating apps.
IRL
Meaning: In Real Life. IRL refers to in-person or offline, rather than on the apps. People may use IRL in reference to meeting up, or describing what they’re like in the flesh.
In a sentence: “I’ll tell you the full story when I see you IRL.”
Love bombing
Love bombing is when someone overwhelms you with excessive loving attention and displays of affection in order to later heavily influence or manipulate you.
Nonbinary
NB or enby are short for nonbinary which is a gender identity for those who don’t identify within the traditional binary understanding of gender.
ONS
Not to be confused with the Office For National Statistics in the UK, ONS is also known as a one night stand and is typically listed on someone’s bio who is just trying to hook up once.
Open relationship
While the parameters may differ from relationship to relationship, when someone lists they are in an open relationship on a dating app this means that they are in a relationship that permits them to be romantically or sexually involved with others outside of it.
Pansexual
Pansexual individuals experience attraction to others regardless of their gender identity.
PDA
Meaning: Public Display of Affection PDA is used more often to describe things other couples do than your individual behaviours, but it could come up in conversation if you’re getting into it with someone about your preferences. PDAs are romantic physical touches that you do with your significant other while out and about. Think holding hands, making out, or touching each other’s butts.
In a sentence: “Ugh major PDA over there, I hate seeing couples kiss on the street.”
Polyamory
Polyamory is when people have simultaneous romantic or sexual relationships with the consent of all parties, and it’s a type of ethically non-monogamous dating.
Queer
Queer is an inclusive term describing diverse sexual orientations and gender identities outside of the traditional heterosexuality and cisgender norms.
Red flag
Red flags are glaring behaviors or characteristics that are a warning sign for larger problems down the road or misalignment within the relationship and should prompt a complete reconsideration of the relationship. Major red flags include someone being physically aggressive, gaslighting, verbal abuse (even if it’s in the context of a joke) and a lack of respect for your personhood or boundaries.
Rizz
Formerly known as game, rizz is flirting or the ability to be charming to bag or attract someone you’re interested in.
Sapiosexual
Sapiosexual people are sexually attracted to or turned on by intelligence.
Situationship
A situationship is an undefined romantic and sexual relationship where there isn’t much clarity around boundaries, relationship status or commitment.
Sneaky link
When used as a noun, sneaky link refers to the person you’re secretly having sex with. When used as a verb it’s the act of going to secretly have sex with someone.
Switch
A switch in a BDSM sexual encounter enjoys being in both dominant and submissive roles. This isnt really femdom as Femdom roles are set and not fluid.
Talking stage
The talking stage is the precursor to “dating.” The purpose is to get to know someone before any type of romantic labels or progression of the relationship.
Top
Typically a label in the LGBTQ+ community, top is a label indicating that the person is the partner penetrating. In BDSM it can also note temporary role of a Dominant or submissive (bottom)
Transgender
Transgender refers to those whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. This often leads to a social, medical, or legal transition process to align with their affirmed gender.
Vers
Vers is a label for someone that likes to be in both the top and bottom roles. It has started to gain traction in dating profiles rather than “switch”
Yellow flags
Yellow flags are behaviors or patterns that should be taken into account, and they should make you use a little caution or perhaps take a little more time to assess the relationship. An example of this would be someone that often talks about exes or former partners as if they are all crazy and with little acknowledgement of their role in the relationships.
Zombieing
Also known as haunting or orbiting, zombieing is when an old dating app match or former fling who essentially disappeared from your life with no explanation (or ghosted you) pops back up. This usually happens over text or DM.
Meeting up
So how do I know if a person is looking as well? Not everyone who’s on the app at the time is always ready to meet… And for that matter, where will you meet? The following terms and emotes will help here.
Looking (👀)
If they’ve put ‘looking’ in their profile, it’s to show they’re currently looking for sex.
Host (🏠)
Good news: if they say ‘host’, they are happy to have you come to their place to hook up.
Travel (🏃♂️)
Not everyone can host, which means if they want sex, they need to ‘travel’, usually meaning they’ll be headed to a person who’s hosting. Or two people who can only travel might meet up at ahotel, AIRBNB or sex-on-premises venue.
Public
Sometimes, neither party can host, and that means they might look for a public place to hook up. Public means they want to have sex in a public space, like an outdoor beat (a place gay men go to hook up, usually parks, public toilets, or nightclubs).
Common acronyms and other words: BDSM dating terminology
Now that we’ve got the basics out of the way, the following are several more specialised terms.
BB (bareback) They’re not saying baby! BB usually refers to ‘bareback’, which means sex without a condom. Another word used to describe this is ‘raw’.
CD (cross-dresser) CD is short for a cross-dresser, which is a person who sometimes wears clothing of another gender. In the context of dating apps like Grindr, this is usually a person who wears clothing, lingerie, makeup or jewellery traditionally worn by women.
Cut and uncut Cut and uncut refer to people who are respectively circumcised or uncircumcised.
Discreet A discreet person wants to keep their private life to themselves – usually meaning they want to keep the amount of information shared about their lives to a minimum. This can include people who are not out about their LGBTQ identity or sex lives. DL or ‘down low’ is another term for discreet.
Masc4Masc or M4M (masculine for masculine) Masc4Masc or M4M are abbreviations of masculine for masculine, which describes a person who self-identifies as having masculine traits and is looking for a partner who shares them.
In the gay community, femme-presenting people are often overlooked or shamed for the way they present, and in extreme cases, masc guys even voice disgust towards femme people. Because of this, writing Masc4Masc in a profile might be problematic, and you should consider leaving it out.
NPNC (no picture, no chat) No picture, no chat is quite literal. This profile doesn’t want to talk with people who don’t have any images, particularly a picture of your face. Sending pictures upon chatting is usually okay if you’re not keen to have pictures always visible on your profile.
PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis) PrEP is an acronym that stands for Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis, meaning it’s a medication that’s taken before sex to prevent an HIV infection – and it’s extremely effective!
PNP (party and play) PNP, short for party and play, is the combination of sex and drugs like crystal methamphetamine (💎 or ❄) or GHB. There is an abundance of words used to describe the PNP scene; another popular term is chemsex, while others might mention it as wired fun, high fun or partying. .
T4T (trans for trans) T4T is an abbreviation of trans for trans, which means a trans person who’s looking for another trans person as their partner.
[+u] and U=U (positive and undetectable, and undetectable equals untransmittable) [+u] stands for positive and undetectable, which refers to persons identifying that they’re HIV positive and have an undetectable viral load. Multiple studies have proven that people with an undetectable viral load are at no risk of transmitting HIV to their partners.
More recently, a new term U=U, which is short for Undetectable equals Untransmittable, entered the scene. It similarly aimed to let people know about the protective benefits of being on HIV treatment and maintaining an undetectable viral load.
Words and phrases to avoid
HIV stigma, racism, transphobia and body shaming are unfortunately still a part of many people’s dating app experiences. So, we each need to pay special attention to the language we use on these apps when chatting with new potential partners. Here are some terms and phrases to avoid:
Don’t use language including clean or DDF (drug and disease free)
Put simply, language like clean or DDF is stigmatising, especially towards people living with HIV and those who use drugs. Judging people on their HIV status or drug use is not on – and there are far better ways to talk about your own HIV and STI testing. Some people like to list when they were last tested; others might write, ‘I test regularly, and hopefully you do too’ in their bio.
Avoid writing about any preferences for or against people because of their racial backgrounds, certain body types, or genders on app profiles
As an example, writing statements like ‘no Asians, no fats, no femmes’ is very discriminatory and harmful, both to the members of the groups mentioned and to our community as a whole. Sharing statements like these normalises prejudice and enforces a hierarchy that promotes masculine cisgender white bodies above all others.
Similarly, expressing interest in a particular race or ethnicity can contribute to fetishisation. Fetishisation is the act of making someone an object of sexual desire based on some aspect of their identity. Though some may think that expressing a desire for someone’s race or associated features is flattering, it can enforce stereotypes and dehumanise the individual. We all want to be seen as people and not objects!
Each person’s journey to sexual attraction is different, and while it’s okay to understand that you might be more attracted to a certain type of partner, you still need to share that in a way that isn’t going to harm others.
So, if you’re into a person, you can totally let them know – but there’s no need to broadcast it. If someone’s expressed their interest in you on an app, and the feeling is not mutual, be gracious and let them know you’re not interested.
Crafting Your BDSM Dating Profile: Tips and Best Practices
Creating an effective BDSM dating profile requires careful consideration of the language and terms that resonate with the community. Firstly, your profile should clearly reflect your kinks and limits. Utilize the BDSM terminology explored in this blog post to describe your interests accurately; using terms like “Dominant,” “Submissive,” “Switch,” or “Sadist” can help others understand your preferences right away. Be sure to articulate what you seek from a relationship, whether it be a casual connection or a serious partnership, to attract like-minded individuals.
Respectful communication is crucial while drafting your profile. Articulate your boundaries and consent expectations explicitly. Phrases like “Negotiate limits” and “Respect safe words” not only demonstrate your commitment to safety but also resonate with those who prioritize consent as a foundational aspect of BDSM relationships. Avoid vague descriptions; clarity will serve to enhance your profile’s effectiveness, allowing potential partners to assess compatibility easily.
Another key aspect of an engaging profile is the ton . A positive, open-minded attitude can make a significant difference in attracting interest. Use a friendly and welcoming approach that communicates your personality. For instance, instead of merely listing what you don’t want, focus on what you enjoy, such as specific kinks you are eager to explore.
Common pitfalls to avoid include exaggeration or dishonesty. Represent yourself authentically; those who resonate with your true self are typically the ones you want to connect with. Avoid ambiguous language that might lead to misinterpretation of your desires or limits. Given the emphasis on honesty within the BDSM community, remaining transparent about your expectations will facilitate trusting connections with others.
In conclusion, crafting a compelling BDSM dating profile is essential for connecting with the right partners. Using the right BDSM Dating Terminology is crucial. Honesty, clarity, and respectful language are the cornerstones of an effective profile that highlights your authentic self and aligns you with others who share similar interests.
If you’ve submissive and tried everything and nothing worked CollarNcuffs has a fantastic FREE eLearning program that cover how to write an effective dating profile
